For me, depression is a daily struggle. Choosing to be happy in spite of how terrible the day is going, is a very difficult choice. There are times I feel like I am too tired to be happy or in too much pain to be happy. It’s like standing on the shore of the ocean. Sometimes the tide is low and the water doesn’t reach me, still ever present but not making contact. But other times the tide is over my head trying to suffocate me. The waves beat into me and all I can do is hold on, barely surviving, while hanging on to the hope that low tide will come again soon. It seems like it is only right before I am about to give up that I am able to catch a single breath, just enough to keep me going. This is the battle I fight every day and sometimes I lose, like the other day. My soul was aching with no apparent reason and tears streamed down my face like a waterfall. I had no control over my tear ducts or my emotions for that matter. The tears that were spilling out were unwelcome visitors. These tears stopped me from doing what I had wanted to do that day because I didn’t want to cry in front of people. I stayed home and spent the day just lying on my bed. Other days though, I win the battle. Those days make me feel strong and victorious, and I become so happy that I could almost burst with joy. What gets me through the day is celebrating my small victories, even if it is something as small as getting out of bed and getting dressed. Even though I lose some battles, knowing that I will win the war keeps me alive.
As I used to doubt but now believe, healing comes with time. Finding your happiness is worth the wait.